Winter Olympics highlight Vancouver, the asshole of Canada
VANCOUVER (UAP) — With the opening ceremonies of the Winter Olympics upon us, the UAP has compiled a list of reasons Vancouver is considered the asshole of Canada.
1. Vancouver is a funny word.
2. 1 out of 3 Canadian drug addicts live in Vancouver proper. 1 in 2 live in the Vancouver metro area.
3. Vancouver isn’t a part of Canada at all. It is in fact jointly owned by a consortium of Chinese shipping companies.
4. If Vancouver were a person, it would be the scummy kid who sat in the back of the class talking the whole time.
5. During the two weeks of sunny weather in August — the only nice weather the city ever sees all year — the criminals crawl out to rob people.
6. Vancouver advertises itself as a “world class city”. Bit of a small dick problem, eh?
7. Despite its massive homeless population, it’s a damned expensive place to live.
8. Vancouver has mentioned that it has “potable water” in its promotional materials about environmentalism. WTF? So, Vancouver is the equal of rural Mexico? Good work, guys.
9. Last week a Vancouverite punched a dog just to watch its master cry.
10. People from Vancouver are called Vancouverites. Ew.
