The Oxbow Herald

Futures traders in Sasaskatuun expect the market to open up today.

Traders see increased demand for Oxbow’s major export, cattle, now that the conservative minority government has shut down legislation to prevent the sale of cattle fed with oil-tainted wheat.

The Oxbow area is world-famous for it’s “oil wheat”, a special strain of pollution resistant wheat that grows only in West Dakota.

Outside groups had been lobbying the government to prevent the sale of beef from the Oxbow region, under the wrong-headed belief that chemicals from the oil will find their way into the human food chain.

Leading researchers have long believed that consumption of beef fed with oil wheat can lead to birth defects in the unborn and chronic anal bleeding in young children.

Oxbow’s leading cattle production, GenenCow, reiterated it position that all oil wheat products and animals fed with oil wheat are 103% safe for human consumption.  The extra 3% safety, according to GenenCow’s press release, is caused by an increase in daily consumption of awesome.